LIBRMY OF CONGRESS. 

§}p,pfMlftfi^l-Mn 



UNITED STATES OF AMEBICA. 



/ 



A Travesty Without a Pun 



HAMLET REVAMPED 



1880 



A Travesty Without a Pun ! 



HAMLET REVAMPED, 



MODERNIZED, 



AI^D SET TO MUSIC. 



BY THE AUTHOR OF "ROMEO AND JULIET.' 



ST. LOUIS: 
G. I. JONES AND COMPANY. 

18 79. 






Entered according to Act of Congress, in tlie year 1879, by 

CHARLES C. SOULE, f 
In tlie Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 



Notice. — This Travesty is copyrighted as a play, and is private propertj^ Per- 
mission to act it may be had, under certain conditions, from the publishers, Messrs. 
G. I. Jones & Co., St. Louis. 



CHARACTERS. 



The Ghost of Hamlet, King of Denmark. 

The Ghost's Voice. 

Hamlet, the Ghost's son, a stiicleut. 

Horatio, a student, Hamlet's chum. 

PoLONius, a Professor hi Wittenburgh University. 

Claudius, brother to the Ghost. 

Gertrude, Queen of Denmark. 

Ophelia, daughter of Prof. Polonius. 

Students op Wittenburgh University, as Chorus. 

Seven Old Ladies of the Court. 



COSTUMES. 



The Ghost, all white;— white beaver hat, white dress-suit; white 
gloves, socks, and shoes; white umbrella; whitened face. 

The Voice, — an exact counterpart of the Ghost, — all in black. 

The others, as in the original play, without extravagance or bur- 
lesque, except perhaps in the parts of the Queen, Polonius, 
and the Seven Old Ladies. 

The Students wear costumes of courtiers in the original play, with 
modern standing-collars, brilliant neckties, and eye-glasses. 



HAMLET." 



ACT I. 



[Boom of Hamlet and Hokatio at Wittenburgh University. Walls adorned 
loith pictures, oars, foils, and boxing-gloves. Table, centre ; books and 
large dictionanes on other tables and shelves. Hamlet, Horatio, and 
Students.] 

Air — "Sparkling and Bright." 

Chorus — Happy and free slionld a student be, 

With all Ms life before him ; 
"With friends to share each joy and care, 

And the college roof-tree o'er him. 
Then laugh along with jest and song. 

Old Care maj^ catch ns later ; 
In chorus gay our tribute pay 

To dear old Alma Mater. 

All pastimes light our hearts delight, — 

We shun their dark excesses ; 
He knows the best of manhood's zest 

Whom temperate pleasure blesses. 
Then laugh along with jest and song. 

Old Care may catch us later ; 
In chorus gay our tribute pay 

To dear old Alma Mater. 



Horatio — Well, boys, what next? The gloves once more? 
What sprightly boxer wants the floor? 
Or what lithe fencer's temper boils 
Again to try the bending foils ? 
What say you, Hamlet? Pray devise 
Some new phase for our revelries. 
You must not idly stand aside ! 
How can the hours of eventide 
Be made more merrily to glide ? 



'HAMLET.'' 



Hamlet- 



Horatio - 
Hamlet - 
Horatio - 



Come, now ! suggest a recreation 
Novel and nice, — some new sensation! 
Something to make these " sad hearts " light, 
These "pale, wan faces " bright and ruddy. 
Well, if you force me to decide. 
There's one thing you have rarely tried, 
Which could not he considered trite. 
What can it be ? 

A little study ! 
Ha, ha ! well said ! But, Hamlet, why, 
Joking aside, your cold and shy 
Estrangement from your class and friends? 
What care oppresses or impends? 



Hamlet - 
Chorus - 



Air 



One Fish-Ball. 



You know how late my father died, - 
Domestic broils and suicide? 
We know how late your father died. 
Domestic broils and suicide. 



Hamlet - 
Chorus - 



And ere my mother's tears were dried. 
She wants again to be a bride. 
And ere your mother's tears are dried, 
She wants again to be a bride. 



Hamlet - 
Chorus - 



Hamlet - 
Chorus - 



I can't decide what I should do ; 
Especially how I am to — 
You can't decide what you should do ; 
Especiallj^ how you are to- 
Dress for the part I play, in sooth, — • 
Like Fechter or like Edwin Booth ! 
Dress for the part j^ou play, in sooth, - 
Like Fechter or like Edwin Booth ! 



Horatio ■ 



Hamlet - 
Horatio ■ 



You've dressed it right. If that is all. 
You may as well discard your pall. 
Not so ! 

What, still disconsolate? 
Your heart must bear some fearful weight. 
What is there, man, to make you blue? 
You're on the Nine, you're in the Crew, 
You've pulled examinations through. 
What more could any man desire? 
But stay! There's one consuming fire ! 



i 



'HAMLET. 



Horatio ■ 



(Jhor-i 



Air - 



•Nelly was a Lady. 



Why were we all so blind and stupid ? 

His is the universal smart, — 
One more envenomed shaft from Cupid 
Burns in our brother Hamlet's heart. 
The worst kind of worry 

This earth above, 
Is, to be consumedly 
And hopelessly in love ! 



\_Bepeat. 



Horatio ■ 



Choms - 



Ah well! deride him who shall dare to? 

That is the student's tender place. 
Each one of us may soon be there, too, 
Smashed on some sweet seductive face. 
The worst kind of worry 

This earth above. 
Is, to be consumedly 
And hopelessly in love. 



[Bepeat. 



Horatio — Cheer up, good friend! Through all mishaps, 
Count on us sympathetic chaps. 
Whatever you attempt to do 
We will join in, and put you through: 
Help you in love, help you in hate. 

Be fortune smiling or untoward, 
Through favoring or through adverse fate. 

Our solemn vow we thus record. 



Air 



MlHI EST PrOPOSITUM.' 



Chorus — [wi unison^ 

If you ever need our aid, 

We will surely lend it. 
Meet the trouble undismayed, — 

With our help you'll end it. 
Face your cares with manly cheer, 

For, whate'er betide you. 
On the instant, never fear. 

We'll be there beside you. 



Hamlet — I'm poor in all but thanks ; in these 
I richly meet your sympathies. 
When dangers fall or sorrows rise. 
Your aid I shall expect, and prize. 

Horatio — Meanwhile, forget your dismal role, 
And drown your sorrows in the bowl. 
Bring forth the punch ! [A punch-howl 



set on table, centre. 



''HAMLET." 

We'll drink a toast: — 
To Hamlet, — classmate, friend, and host! \_Knocks. 

That awful knock ! the f acultj^ ! 
Conceal these signs of revehy. 
Throw gloves and foils behind the chairs ; 

The glasses hide beneath the table ! 
The pipes, tobacco — No, who cares? 

Don't make a noise so mnch like Babel ! 
Pile lexicons, in careless bunch, 
Above, round, the bowl of punch! 
Each take a book, and when they speak, 
Appear absorbed in learning Greek ! 



Air — March FROM Norma. 

Chorus — Oh alpha beta gamma delta. 

With an epsilon zeta eta theta. 

Eta theta — eta theta. 
Iota kappa lambda mu nu omikron 
With pi rho sigma tan upsilon. 
With pi rho sigma tau upsilon 
With pi rho sigma tau upsilon 
With phi chi psi and o-meg-a ! 



\_During this verse, enter Qup:ex, Ophelia, Claudius, and Polonius, loho 
march around the room in silent surprise. Chorus repeated softly, and 
meantime the following dialogue occurs.'] 

Polonius — Young gentlemen, behold the queen ! 
Claudius — Why don't they speak? What can they mean? 
Polonius — Dear lads ! they are industrious ! 

Excuse, my liege illustrious — 
Queen — We won't! How dare they thus try us? 

We'll rouse them! Shoo! Aha, aha!! 

\_Pokes with her paixisol. The last ^' aha" is timed with 
the end of the chorus. Students start, and all kneel. 
Horatio — Your majesty, we kneel before you! 
Queen — Has consciousness at length come o'er j'ou? 

Prefer that Greek to us? Aha! 

We'll teach jox\, youngsters, who we ai"e. 

Professor P., expel them all! 



"HAMLET." 

Polonius — Perpend — 

Queen — Expel them ! 

Horatio — - I will call 

Your son to testify that we — 
Queen — Expel ! Expel ! 
Polonius — Most reverentlj^ 

I crave your majesty to cool 

Your ire — 
Queen — Expel yourself, you fool ! 

Ophelia — \_aside to Queen] 

Such rage, clear madam, spoils your beauty. 
Polonitis — [aside to Queen] 

We need the lads for household duty. 
Queen — Ahem ! we change our royal mind : 
We will forgive. But recollect, 

We generally should be inclined 
With death to punish disrespect ! 



Air — "King of the Cannibal Islands. 

Queen — In me you see a sovereignty 

Of most unusual potency. 
About as pure as pure can be : 
I am absolute queen of Denmark ! 

Chorus — In her you see a sovereigntj'- 

Of most unusual potency. 
About as pure as pure can be : 
She is absolute queen of Denmark ! 

Queen — If you should hear my whisper mere. 

And fail to heed, obey, and revere. 
You'd better prepare your shroud and bier, 
For I'm absolute queen of Denmark ! 

Chorus — If we should hear her whisper mere. 

And fail to heed, obey, and revere. 
We'd better prepare our shroud and bier, 
For she's absolute queen of Denmark! 



Queen — Wlienever I come, stand right up plumb. 

And keep your learned lingo mum. 
Or I'll have you wolloped until you're numb ; 
I am absolute queen of Denmark ! 

Chorus — Whenever she comes, stand right up plumb, 

And keep our learned lingo mum. 
Or she'll have us wolloped until we're numb ; 
She is absolute queen of Denmark ! 



10 



HAMLET.'' 



Queen — So this is Hamlet's college clen; — 
I've never seen the place before. 
Hamlet, Horatio, gentlemen, 

With your permission, I'll explore. 
Claudius, your arm ; Polonius, 
Come on, and point things out for us. 

[Queen, Claudius, and Polonius retire. 



Air 



Gum-Tkee Canoe." 



Hamlet — Oh, beautiful maiden, give ear to the prayers 

Of one who would utter far more than he dares ; 
The accents of prudence seem feeble and tame, 
Wlien the brain is all fire and the heart all aflame. 

Chorus — For language is lame, and prudence seems tame, 
When the brain is all fire and the heart all aflame. 

Ophelia — I would list if I dared, but a guard must I keep 

O'er the depths of the heart where an answer may sleep ; 
Por the lips of a maid must be certain and slow. 
Lest they burden her life with regret and with woe. 

Chorus — Her " yes " or her " no " must be certain and slow. 
Lest they burden her life with regret and with -woe . 

[Queen, Claudius, and Hamlet come forward. 1 

Queen — Hamlet, the pictures on your wall. 
Sense, taste, propriety appall; 
The atmosphere is dense with smoke — 
I must depart before I choke. 
Claudius, announce our wishes ! Hold ! 
This audience should first be told 
We have appointed, through our reign, 
Polonius royal chamberlain ; 
But since on idiocy he borders. 
And we require, in governing, 
A man to execute our orders, 

Claudius will serve as brevet king. 
Hamlet — [aside'] 

Shade of my father ! 
Queen — Claudius, tell 

These boys, who study Greek so closely, 
What purposes this call impel. 
Don't string the tale out too verbosely. 



''HAMLET.'' 11 

Air — ' ' RoKY ' Moore . ' ' 

Claudius — Our ancient, inveterate foe, Fortinbas, 

Has a fiery young sou, who's an obstinate ass. 

He lias sliarlved up a crew on the Norwegian shore, — 

A crew of wild rogues, — to attack us once more. 

To conquer this foe, ei'e he start on his way. 

We have sent our battalions all off to the fray ; 

We've mustered our servants, we've armed e'en the band, 

And there isn't a gi"own-up man left in the land. 

Chorus — To conquer this foe, ere he start on his way. 

They've sent their battalions all off to the fray ; 

They've mustei'ed their servants, they've armed e'en the band, 

And there isn't a gro^^'ll-up man left in the land. 

Claudius — The danger so deadly and imminent seemed, 

That we thought, till the laud should be surely redeemed, 

The guards of our household, our bravest and best, 

Must go to the army along with the rest. 

And so, as the palace is wholly unmanned. 

Your time and your service we've come to demand. 

We summon all Wittenburgh boys as cadets ; 

You must up and away, for we take no regrets ! 
Chorus — And so, as the palace is wholly unmanned, 

Our time and our service they've come to demand. 

They summon all Wittenburgh boys as cadets ; 

We must up and awa.y, for they take no regrets ! 

Horatio — I'm not quite sure we understand. 

You want us to defend the land? 
Claudius — Substantially; that is, I mean, 

To guard the palace and protect the queen. 
Horatio — As household guards ? 
Claudius — You have it pat ! 

Horatio — We'd like more warlike work than that. 
Queen — For shame! To students, that is glory ! 

"Decorum," pro regina, " mori! " 

Translate, Polonius ! 
Polonius — Yes: decorum, 

A neuter adjective ; stands for — hum! 
Queen— Well, well! for what? 
Polonius — Its meanings vary ; 

Let me consult a dictionary. 

Here's one at hand. [Baises hook, and discloses punch. 

Perpend! what's this? 

A punch ! What roystering deviltries 

Are here afloat ! Your majesty, ' 

Such youthful sin is sad to see. 



12 



■HAMLET. 



When we approached, they hid their rum 
And feigned Greek alphabets to hum ! 
Expel them now ! I drop a tear — 

Queen — Drop it ! and bring a glassful here ! 

Polonius — Of punch? 'Tis poison ! 

Queen — Take a glass 

Yourself, and one to Claudius pass. 
We'll try j^our liquid Greek, my lads. — 
It's very nice ; indeed it glads 
Our heart with such a generous fire 
We will abate our former ire. 
Ere we take leave, let some one raise 
A. song in this decoction's praise. 



Air- 



ToujouRS Amour. 



Horatio — Bring good old eau de vie 

And mix a temperate toddy. 
Bring pipes and Latakie 
For every merry body ; 
For pipes and punch are capital company. 
Chorus — For pipes and punch, tra la la la la. 

For pipes and punch, tra la la la la, 
For pipes and punch, tra la la la la, 
Are capital company. 

Horatio — So let the jorum pass. 

And let the smoke-wreaths hover ! 
We drink to wife or lass 
The pledge of tender lover ; 
For pipes and punch are capital company. 
Chorus — For pipes and punch, tra la la la la. 

For pipes and punch, tra la la la la, 
For pipes and punch, tra la la la la, 
Are capital company. 

Horatio — While pipes and punch shall last. 

Be free with song and laughter ; 
Reck not of what is past. 
Nor what may hap hereafter ; 
For pipes and punch are capital company. 
Chorus — , For pipes and puucli, tra la la la la. 

For pipes and punch, tra la la la la. 
For pipes and punch, tra la la la la, 
Are capital company. 



Polonius — May 't please your majesty, I erred. 
My judgment was absurdly weak. 
I see I ought to have preferred 

"Tra," pipes and punch, "la la," to Greek. 



HAMLET." 13 



But let me venture to suggest, — 
Despite the charms of Bacchic song, — 

For time we're just a trifle pressed. 
Hadn't we better trot along? 
Queen — What is the next up-train ? 
Polonius — Nine twenty; 

'Tis now eight fifty-seven. 
Queen — Plenty 

Of time, but none to spare. We'll go ! 
Polonius — Fall in ! 
Hamlet — And forward to the foe ! 

Air — "SuoNi LA Tromba." 

Hamlet — On to the wars, brothers bold, 

Hark to the battle-cry resounding ! 
Cast in the old heroic mould ; 
Our hearts with courage bounding. 
Isoftly^ While we are gone, we all shall be 

Lecture and recitation-free. 
[ivith spirit'] On to the wars ! our battle-cry, 
Denmark and victory ! 
Chorus — While we are gone, we all shall be 

Lecture and recitation-free. 
On to the wars ! our battle-cry 
Denmark and victory ! 

CURTAIN. 



14 



■hamlet: 



ACT II. 



[Platform of the castle at Elsinore. Night, 
weapons.'] 



Students on giiard, loith 



Air — "On ye Gallant Company." 

Quartette — What a gallant guard are we 

To sleeping Elsinore ! 
Come, ye lurking enemy, 
And welter in your gore ! 

Chorus — Tramp, tramp; watch with care. 

Hark! Halt! Who goes there? 
Countersign at once declare. 
Or no step further dare ! 
We majr write our names in glory, 
Hand them down in Danish story. 
Who would not a soldier be, soldier be, soldier be, - 
Who would not a soldier be in Elsinore ? 

Quartette — Pace along the castle wall. 

And watch the palace gate ; 
Nought our courage can appall. 
Our fortitude abate. 

Chorus — Tramp, tramp ; watch with care. 

Hark! Halt! Who goes there ? 
Countersign at once declare, 
Or no step further dare ! 
We may write our names in glory, 
Hand them do'svn in Danish story. 
Who would not a soldier be, soldier be, soldier be. 
Who would not a soldier be in Elsinore ? 

Hamlet — Attention, guard ! Break ranks, and rest ! 
This duty puts us to the test. 
'Tis fun to go through dress-parade. 

And drill or guard may do by daylight ; 
But midnight watch, I am afraid. 

Cannot be viewed in any gay light. 
Horatio, shall you stay with us? 
Horatio — I'll wait awhile ; my tour is ended. 
But I am very curious 

To see again the thing we men did 
Who watched last eve. 



J 



HAMLET." 



15 



Hamlet — 


What, northern light? 


Horatio — 


A much more supernatural sight 




We saw, while standing at our post. 


Hamlet — 


What was it? 


Horatio — 


'Twas a ghost ! 


Hamlet — 


A ghost? 



Air 



Mistletoe Bough. 



Horatio — As I paced to and fro, in the depth of the night, 
A spectre approached me, apparelled in white ; 
It looked like a corpse, and it smelt like a cellar, 
And it pointed at me with a ghostly umbrella ! 
Tenors — Oh, what a singular ghost ! 
Basses — Oh, what a singular ghost! 



Chorus - 
Horatio ■ 



Although I was certainly not quite undaunted, 
I mustered up courage to ask what it wanted. 
Without any answer, the taciturn feller 
Fled, brandishing wildly his ghostly umbrella. 
Chorus — Tenors — Oh, what a singular ghost ! 
■ Oh, what a singular ghost ! 



Horatio — I started to follow, but stopped in my traces, 

Eepelled by the spectre's outrageous grimaces ; 
And warned by a much more convincing repeller 
In the shape of its ghostly uplifted umbrella. 

Chorus — Tenors — Oh, what a singular ghost ! 
- Oh, what a singular ghost ! 



Hamlet - 
Horatio - 
Hamlet - 
Horatio - 
Hamlet - 
Horatio ■ 



Hamlet - 



Horatio ■ 
Hamlet - 
Horatio - 
Hamlet - 



What time was this ? 

Just after taps. 
What looked it like? 

Like all such chaps. 
No trifling ! Whom did it resemble ? 
Well, if I must, its toot ensemble 
(Excuse my French) suggested rather 
The likeness — of your noble father ! 
'Twas he, — the author of my being! 

Wlmt great events this chance may hinge on ! 
Yet if 'twere but a trick of seeing? 
Is't really true? 

Yes, honest Indian I 
When did you see this apparition? 
At taps, I said. 

What time is't now? 



16 



hamlet: 



Horatio — It verges ou the hour, I trow. — 
Hark to our vespertine musician ! 

[Infantry taps, according to "Hardee's Tactics,' 
heai'd faintly in distance. 



Air 



Infantry Taps. 



Chorus ■ 



Hamlet — 
Horatio — 
Hamlet — 
Horatio — 
Hamlet — 
Horatio — 



Hear the clear and mellow vesper bugle ! 

Day, with all its cares, is o'er. 
All the weary world is wrapped in slumber : 

Silence reigns in Elsinore ! 

What noise is that? 

A creaking vane. 
Listen ! 

'Tis but the frog's refrain. 
What breath comes wild and chill and harsh? 
Only a vapor from the marsh. 



[Bepeat softly. 



Air — " Come, Come, Come." (Tyrolese Evening Hymn.') 

Chorus — List, list, list! 

The sky hangs dense and black : 
The storm-cloud's fearful wrack 

Trails down in ghostly mist, 
Like a lifeless soul come back. 
As the night grows dank and drear. 

The trembling breeze is still ; 
There is doubt and dread and fear 

In its more than mortal chill. 

Hark, hark, hark! 
What sounds from yawnii:i,g tombs 

Come creeping through the dark ! 
The midnight ghoul exhumes 

His crew of corpses stark. 
Their phantom arms shall wave, 

Their ghastly eyes shall glare ; 
While the odors of the grave 

Weigh down the shuddering air ! 

Hamlet — A horrid fear my heart benumbs ! 

Horatio, look ! It comes — it comes ! 

[Enter Ghost, loaving umbrella.'] 



Air- 



■ Bonny Dundee. 



Horatio — Yes, that is the ghost I encountered last night. 
With dress-coat of beaver and parasol white. 
His pallid appearance deprives me of breath. 
My teeth are a-chatter, — I'm frightened to death! 



■HAMLET. 



17 



Chorus — Yes, that is the ghost he encountered last night, 
With dress-coat of beaver and parasol white. 
His pallid appearance deprives us breath. 
Our teeth are a-chatter, — we'i'e frightened to death! 



Horatio — Speak to it, Hamlet ! 

Hamlet — I implore, 

Whether thon art in mischief shammed, 

A spirit of health, or goblin damned, 

Speak, questionable shape ! 
Qliost — You swore 

At your poor old dead father, son ! 
Hamlet — Wliat shall we do ? what have Ave done ? 

[Ghost steps forward, clears Ms throat, but retires 
and beckons. Voice enters, ivaving umbrella. 



Air 



BoxxY Dundee. 



Horatie 



Chorus - 



Look yonder ! another, the twin of the flrst. 
But clad all in black, like a spirit accursed. 
I'm scared at these spectres of soot and of snow ; 
Good-bj^e for the present, — I'm going to go ! 
Look yonder ! another, the twin of the flrst, 
But clad all in black like a spirit accursed ; 
I'm scared of these spectres of soot and of snow 
Good-bye for the present, — I'm going to go ! 



Hamlet - 



Hamlet - 



Remain, my friends ; but yesterday 
You voAved to help me in my need. 
And now you leave me? 

No indeed ! 
We're badly frightened, but we'll stay. 
His beaver slowly back he tips ; 
To speak he opes those awful lips ! 



Air 



Champagne Ch.\eley. 



[Voice sings. Ghost gestures. 



Ghost and Voice- 



Chorus - 



■ I am a ghost, but still not proud ; 

I'm affably inclined. 
Although I might distrust this crowd, 

I'll not, but "go it blind." 
And first, you ought to understand 

I'm not unknown to fame ; 
I used to lord it in this land, — 

Hamlet Senior is my name ! 
Hamlet Senior is his name ! 
Hamlet Senior is his name ! 



18 '^hamlet:' 

And first, we oua;lit to niiderstaiid, 
He used to lord it in this land, — 
Hamlet Senior is his name ! 
Hamlet Senior is his name ! 
He used to lord it in this land, — 
Hamlet Senior is his name ! ^ 

Ghost and Voice — Last New Year's Eve, a friend and I 

Went out to take a stroll ; 
A charming man, I don't deny, 

A nobly loyal soul : 
But still, he pushed me in the river 

To help his little game ; 
The recollection makes me shi^'er ! 

Hamlet Senior is my name ! 
Chorus — Hamlet Senior is his name ! 

Hamlet Senior is his name ! 
But still he pushed him in the river ; 
The recollection makes us shiver ! 
Hamlet .Senior is his name ! 
Hamlet Senior is his name ! 
The recollection makes us shiver! 
Hamlet Senior is his name ! 

Hamlet — A shocking tale, — it makes me pale ; 

To speak my feelings words all fail. 

But look ! see how he waves his hand ! 

"What now? what is thy dread command? 

HoAV on the eye the motions linger 

Of that inimitable finger ! 

How preternaturally astute 

The language of that parachute ! 

And still, I do 'not catch your drift; 

I know my intellect's not swift: 

Do you desire my friends to go? , 

Horatio — Come, boys, we seem to be de trop. 

Please cut it short, respected spectre ! 

The wind outside' s a keen dissecter. 

\_Exennt Horatio and Students 
G-host — I am thy father's spirit! 
Hamlet— You o'ercome 

My heart with fear ! 
Ghost — And yet, a "hum! " 

Hamlet — What say? 
Ghost — Do you think my rendition 

Successful, of an apparition? 
Hamlet — Yes, you're a genuine ghost! 



HAMLET." 



19 



Wiost- 



HamJet - 
Ghost — 



Hamlet — 
Ghost — 



Hamlet - 
Ghost — 



Hamlet - 
Ghost — 
Hamlet - 



Ghost ■ 



Hamlet ■ 
Ghost — 
Hamlet - 
Ghost- 



I'm set up 
B3' praise of such a simple get-up. 
Get-up? What mean 5'ou ? 

Why, to cite 
D . Webster, I am not dead — ■ quite ! 
Not dead, and not my parent? 

Yes, 

I am your fatlier, but not dead ! 
This little riddle, can you guess? 

Explain ! I must have lost my head ! 
Why, when I tumbled in the river, 

I floundered down the whirling tide. 

And boatmen, hooking to my side. 
My dripping body did deliver. 
Alive? 

Yes, fished me up all right. 
Your nose is pale, — your hair is white ; — 
Thej^ turned at once, of course, from fright? 
Oh, no ! — my nose is red as ever ; 
My hair, an auburn, silvered ; — clever 
Disguise, ain't it? In savage humor, 
I hied, all wet, to a costumer ; 
Practised two months a ghostly stalk ; 
And now, got up with duck and chalk, 
I have returned, revenge to win 
Upon the friend who pushed me in. 
Wlio pushed yon in? 

Your uncle Claud ! 

my prophetic soul! that fraud? — 
But who's this friend? 

The chap in black? 
You know I never had the knack 
Of time or tune ; — ■ I cannot sing ; 
And deeming melody a thing 
A thoughtful ghost might aptly bring 
To lend revenge a deeper sting, 

1 hired, attired, and brought along 
This gifted Celtic son of song. 



20 ''HAMLET." 

The contrast mark : his presence sooty 

Serves to enhance my pure blonde beauty ! 

Patrick, when I this signal make, 

Toot up ! At other times, keep still. 

/ will the conversation take ; 

You stick to song ! 
Voice — Beclad, I will. 

Ghost — And now, my son, although yet living, 

I have no notion of forgiving. 

I seek r-r-revenge ! 
Hamlet — Alas, poor ghost I 

Ghost — You'll help me make the rascal roast? 

Air — " Fathek, Dear Fathek." 

Hamlet — Father, dear father, just give me the word; 

My uncle I'll thoroughly thrash ! 
He's older and bigger, but when I am stirred 
I can whip him," I fancy, to dash! 

Ghost and Voice — 

Hear the brave voice of my child. 

Which the night- winds repeat as they roam ! 

But simulate calmness, — be silent and mild, — 

Till I'm ready ; then, Hamlet, strike home ! 

Duet — Strike home ! strike home ! strike home ! 

Then, Hamlet, — then, Hamlet, strike home ! [Bepeat. 

lEiiter Students, cautiously.'] 

Horatio — Ahem! 

Ghost — Ahem yourself ! 

Horatio — Ahem ! ! 

Our coming back pray don't condemn. 

We wouldn't for the world intrude. 

But Boreas, outside, is rude ; 

An eager and a nipping air 

Bites through our Knickerbockers spare ; 

We're catching cold; it's my belief 

We ought to start the third relief ; 

We've ventured back ; and now, in biief , 

Isn't it time the sulphurous flame 

To torment should your ghostship claim? 



''HAMLET.'' 21 

Hamlet— What? 

Ghost— . How? 

Horatio — Hadn't you better go? 

Ghost — Not till the matutinal crow. 

Air— "Go 'Way, Old Man" 

Horatio — We've left j'ou a long time alone with your son ; 

Our patient politeness you've greatly outrun. 
Chorus — Go 'way, old ghost, 

Eeturn to your post 
In the place where hobgoblins eternally toast ! lEej^eat, 

Horatio — You've frightened poor Hamlet nearly out of his senses, 
And the cold we have suffered, while waiting, intense is. 
Chorus — Go 'way, old ghost 

Return to your post 
In the place v^liere hobgoblins eternally toast ! \_Bepeat. 

Hamlet — Stop! words irreverent should not fall 

On ears so supernatural. 
Horatio — Yes, but with all our best endeavor. 

We cannot wait for him forever. 

If you want farther conversation 
We'll stay right here, but stop our ears. 

Eavesdropping we could in that way shun. 
Hamlet — Hark how the ghost his palate clears! 

Air — "My Mary Axx." 

Ghost and Voice — 

I think I know -when a ghost should go ; 

Polite I'd like to be; 

But it isn't the regular thing, you see, 
To start away till the cock shall crow — 
To start away till the cock shall crow. 

[ They go around, repeating the last line to each one 
of the Chorus, until interrupted. 

Horatio — Stop, ghost in white, if you are able. 

Your iterating friend in sable. 

He gravely errs if he supposes 

All mortals are as meek as Moses. 
Ghost — Well, I repeat, I'm not a-going 

Until the cock begins his crowing, — 

Sure pop! 
Horatio — But none will crow. 



22 



HAMLET.'' 



Ghost — 
Horatio ■ 



Ghost — 



Horatio ■ 



The dickens ! 

All — when the arm}^ here were qnarterecl - 
The cocks, the hens, the tender chickens, 

Were by the commissary slanghtered ! 
Don't care a whit ! No orthodox spectre, 
Of which I am the recollecter. 
Could ever vanish a la mode 
Till glow-worm paled and rooster crowed. 
What can we do his stay to dock? 
'Tis hardly yet eleven o'clock. 
To entertain a ghost all night 
Would leave us all but dead Avith fright. 
Good friends, can none of yon suggest 
Some plan to speed our parting guest? 
I have it ! Our own trusty throats 
Can counterfeit a cockerel's notes! 



Air 



Baptist, Baptist I was Born. 



Horatio - 



Chonis - 
Horatio ■ 
Chorus - 

Horatio - 



Suppose the morn, in russet clad. 
Were walking o'er the dew; 

Suppose a cock some farmer had 
Who spied the morn, and crew. 
Start it gently. 



[.softly'] 
- That's the ticket! 



Cock-a-doodle ! 



Cock-a-doodle-doo ! 



Suppose he woke a thousand more 

Within a thousand coops. 
Who joined — an inharmonious corps - 
In emulative whoops. 
■ A little louder. 



Chorus — 




Cock-a-doodle 


Horatio — 


All together ! 




Chorus — 




Cock-a-doodle- 



Horatio — 



Chorus - 
Horatio ■ 

Chorus - 



A truly conscientious ghost 

Would feel ashamed to stay ; 
Before the crows of such a host 
He'd vanish right away! 
• Now rouse it. 

Cock-a-doodle ! 



Eaise a ripper ! 



Cock-a-doodle-doo ! 



HAMLET.'' 



23 



Qhost - 



Hamlet — 
Horatio — 
Ghost — 



Hamlet - 
Ghost — 



Stop ! I'll give in if you'll abate your 
Crows, more intolerable than nature. 
Scholars and gentlemen, adieu ! 
Adieu, adieu! 

The same to you. 
But ere I cease to be your guest 
Grant me, I pray, one last request. — 
Reveal my apparition ne'er! 
We won't. 

I think you'd better swear. 
All hands grab hold of this umbrel. 
And swear you'll never, never tell^ 

\_All touch the umbrella with hands or loeapons. 



\_0pe7is his umbrella. 



Air 



•JUA^JITA. 



Hamlet - 



Ghost and Voice- 
Hamlet — 



Ghost and Voice - 



Spectre suspicious. 
Vanish hence to upper air ! 

All that you wish us,' 
We will do. 

Swear ! — Swear ! 

Not hj word or gesture. 

Wink o r whisper, will we dare 
To a soul suggest your 

Visit here. 

Swear ! — Swear ! 



Air changed to " Out o' de Wilderness.' 

Chorus — If you'll depart, we'll swear to any thing. 

Swear to any thing, swear to any thing ; 
If you'll depart, we'll swear to any thing, ■ 

Go, and don't come back ! :. 

We swear, we swear, we swear, we swear. 
We swear, we swear, we swear, we swear. 
If you'll depart, we'll swear to any thing. 

Swear to any thing, swear to any thing ; 
If you'll depart, we'll swear to any thing, - 

Go, and don't come back ! 



CURTAIN. 



24 "HAMLET. 



ACT III. 

IBaiiquet-hall of the castle. Three square tables against the vmlls. Stu- 
^ dents, xoith tohite aprons and napkins, as ivaiters.'] 

Air — Erom "Midsummer-Night's Dream." 

Chorus — We all profess our loj^altj-, 

Aiid highly patriotic subjects claim to be ; 

So, when the queen enlisted us. 

We took up arms without a particle of fuss. 

But now that she, such men as we — 

The flower of Wittenborough University — 

Expects to wait upon her table. 

In place of second girls, it's too abominable! 

A soldier's tasks will we perform, 

And stand a patient guard in darkness or in storm ; 

We'll gladly eat a soldier's grub ; 

Accoutrements and guns we'll diligently scrub : 

But if they think that Denmark's pink 

Will stand behind their chairs, and hand them meat and drink, 

They little know with whom they deal ! 

We'll all be hanged before we serve a single meal! 

[Enter Poloxius.] 

Polonins — Noav, lads, the tables spread! 

Horatio — Guess not ! 

We do not like the service. 
Polonius — What ! 

Refuse to do the queen's behests? 

What will become of all her guests? 
Horatio — Where are her lackeys ? 
Polonius — Soldiers daring. 

Horatio— The housemaids? 
Polonius — All vivandiering. 

I tell you, every man and woman 

Is at the wars. What can we do, man? 

The supper-table must be set. 
Whom can we turn to, sirs, but you? 

The queen will not your zeal forget. 
To self, to country, oh be true ! 

Perpend ! 



HAMLET." 



25 



Horatio — Enough of 3'our perpending ! 

We'll help j^ou, though it be lieai'treuclim 
Polonius — Thanks, gentlemen! what gems of price 

Can compensate your sacrifice ! 



Air 



Mexagekie, 



Polonius- 



Chorus — 



Polonius - 



Chonis - 



[_Bepeat. 



Ghost - 



Now hasten with great celerity 

The tables forth to fetch, 
Aiid seek in the chest where the linens be. 

Three' table-cloths to stretch. 
Then out of the china-closet bring, 

For our festivity. 
The latest and best and correctest thing 

In the way of crockery. 
We'll bring the newest styles 

Of ugly color and glaze. 
The cups and jugs and plates and tiles 

Of the truest keramic craze. 

The skill you exhibit in getting tea 

(I hazard the observation) 
Just shows the catholicity 

Of liberal education. 
But don't you forget, my lads, to bring 

For our festivity. 
The latest and best and correctest thing 

In the way of crockery. 
We'll bring ithe newest styles 

Of ugly color and glaze, 
The cups and jugs and plates and tiles 

Of the truest keramic craze. 

[ The three tables are brought out, and covered loith 
cloths, hanging doton to the floor. 



Now I shall leave you : state affairs 
Demand, unhappily, my cares. 
You to the kitchen may repair, 
The viands hitherward to bear. 

[Enter Ghost and Voice.] 

All gone? All gone ! my sometime queen 
To tea has bid her gossips dear. 

Now, how can I contrive, unseen. 
Their tattling table-talk to hear? 

Aha! this table! I'll bestow 

My ghostly members here below. 

Pat, share with me this humble cot ! 

Crawl in, without a word, and squat 



[Exeunt omnes . 



[Hides under centre table. 
[Voice follotvs. 



26 



hamlet: 



[Be-enter Students, imth dishes.^ 



Air 



Long Time Ago." 



Horatio - 
Chorus - 
Horatio - 
Chorus - 
Horatio - 
Chorus - 
Horatio - 
Chorus - 
Horatio - 
Chorus - 
Horatio - 
Chorus - 



Claudius - 



Here is the roj'-al teapot, 

An't this nice? 
Put it where the tea will keep hot. 

An't this nice? 
On this side the coffee-kettle ; 

An't this nice? 
Gently, so the grounds can settle. 

An't this nice? 
Hot milk in this little pitcher ; 

An't this nice? 
Cream, — it couldn't be much richer. 

An't this nice? 

[ The Students go out. 

[Enter Claudius.] 



-There's no one here. So far, so good. 
I much suspect this female brood. 
The queen to-night firmly declines 
The company of masculines ; 
But I am anxious to discover 
Which way her likings really hover, 
And whether I am dupe or lover. 
If I could listen to their chatter 
At tea, I might decide the matter. 
Their bashfulness not to embarrass. 
Suppose I hide behind an arras? 
Or, stay, I think I might be able 
To coil my legs beneath the table. 



Horatio — 
Chorus — 
Horatio — 
Chorus — 
Horatio — 
Chorus — 
Horatio — 
Chorus — 
Horatio — 
Chorus — 
Horatio — 
Chorus — 



\_Hides under table. R. 



[Be-enter Students.] 



Air- 



LONG Time Ago. 



Pears and apricots and quinces, 

An't this nice? 
Scalloped oysters, fit for princes ; 

An't this nice? 
Quail on toast, and rolls and biscuit ; 

An't this nice? 
Salad, if they dare to risk it ; 

An't this nice? 
Fruit-cake, full of dainty spices ; 

An't this nice? 
Chai'lotte-russe and water-ices. 

An't this nice? 

[ The Students go out. 



''HAMLET.'' 27 

\_Enter Polonius.] 

Polonius — I've given my boys the slip ; — and now 
To find a proper liiding-place . 
The queen, wlien asked, Avould not allow ^ 

My presence at her tea. In face 
Of such refusal, I have quietly come 
To hide and hear, — not deaf, but dumb. 
Perpend ! where can a guest unbidden 
Be hid? The table? I am hidden. [Hides under table. L. 

Air — " Mahogany Tree." 

Claudius — [looking ouf] 

Thoroughly hid, gossips amid, 

I can o'erhear all that's forbid. 
Polonius — [looking ouf] 

Here I repose, under the rose, 

Snug as a bug, and there's nobody knows. 
Ghost and Voice — [looking ouf] 

While they're at tea, here shall I be ; 

Little thejf'll think of the ghost at their knee. 
Trio — So I'll abide, hidden inside, 

Mouth shut up close, but my ears open wide. 

Claudius — But while they eat, what if their feet 

Happen my legs or my body to meet? 
Polonius — Something may drop on to me — pop ! 

Causing me pain, and making me hop. 
Ghost and Voice — 

Two of us here find it to be a 

Rather too small and contracted a sphere. 
Trio — Still I'll abide, hidden inside, 

Mouth shut up close, but my ears open wide. 

[Enter Students from one side, Queen and Ophelia from the other, with 
seven Old Ladies. They march solemnly around.] 

Queen — Aha! What does this signify? 
Horatio — This what, most gentle majesty? 
Queen — This lack of music. Where's the band? 

Where is Polonius ? Such a grand 

Tea-fight as this ought to be opened 

With music. He shall feel the rope-end! 
Horatio — Please, ma'am, the band are in your camps. 
Queen — Then play yourselves, you idle scamps ! 
Horatio — Where shall we get the instruments? 
Queen — Buy them. 



28 



HAMLET." 



Horatio - 
Queen — 



Horatio - 
Queen — 



But, madam — 

But me uo buts ! 
I'll chasten your impertinence, 

Your student airs and college struts ! 
As for to-night, a march you'll sing! 
What march? 

I dou't cai'e, — any thing! 
Pardon, my friends, this interlude ; 
And pardon, too, the music rude. 
Strike up a march to rhythmic beats ; 
Approach, and find your several seats. 



'iMarch resumed. 



Air 



Roll, Jordan, Roll." 



Hamlet - 



Chorus - 
Hamlet - 



Chorus - 



Queen - 



1 O.L. 

2 O.L. 

3 O.L. 



Queen — 



What the gracious queen of Denmark wants 
Her subjects have to do. 
So sing, brothers ; sing, brothers ; sing, brothers ; sing ! 
Her look the boldest rebel daunts, 
And the wildest student, too. 
So sing, brothers ; sing, brothers ; sing, brothers ; sing ! 
We'll howl a martial march. 
We'll raise a royal shout, 
We'll make a noise, though our throats may parch. 
And our breath may peter oiit. 

[Bepeat from "We'll howl." Queen, Ophelia, 
and Old Ladies sit down. Queen at centre 
table; Ophell\, right; the side of tables to- 
ward audience is wiocciqned. 

Boys, help these noble dames to sup ! 
Miss 0. Polonius, [to Ophelia] lively up, 
And entertain our guests ! 

Nice tea ! 
Splendid oysters ! 

Your majesty 
Must miss your husband so at supper ; 

But now he sups in regions upper, — \_Bij-play by the Ghost. 
That blessed man! there's no such left. 
At times I do feel quite bereft. 
Yet it is nice to be a widder. 
To tell the truth, I don't consider 
My husband was a perfect man. 
Hyperion's curls, — but then he ran 
Too much to billiai'ds and cigars. 



HAMLET. " 



29 



1 0. L. — You know he had an eye like Mars. 
Q^ieen — Yes, j^es ; — His nose was somewhat snub ; 

He went too often to the club 

And came home late at night, hilarious. 

His faults were manifold and various, — 

Yet still, I liked him : shall I rob 

This meal of pleasure if I sob ? [All sob. 

1 0. L.— There's several elegant noblemen 

Would like to see you marry again. 

Duke Claudius, your brother-in-law, [By-play by Claudius. 

He's dead in love ; I never saw 

A man more " sot " your hand to own. 
Queeii — My hand ? more like he wants my throne ! 

The odious, hump-backed, cross-eyed wretch I 

I'd like his ugly neck to stretch. 

I've made him brevet king, — no nearer 

Shall he become to me, nor dearer. 

But this is solemn conversation 

To accompany our evening ration. 

Ophelia, sing us something gay ! 
Ophelia — Here's an appropriate roundelay. 

Air — "Carry me back to Ole Virginny." 

Ophelia — We may gather at tea 

In gossippy glee. 
On the board may be blossom and wreath ; 

But we never can know, 

'Mid splendor and show. 
What danger is lurking beneath. 
Chorus — We may gather at tea 

In gossippy glee. 
On the board may be blossom and wreath ; 

But we never can know, 

'Mid splendor and show, 
What danger is lurking beneath . 



Ophelia — The louder we laugh, 

The deeper we quaff, 

The danger is ever increased : 
That close by our side. 
Our mirth to deride, 

A skeleton lurks at the feast. 
Choms — The louder we laugh, 

The deeper we quaff, 

The danger is ever increased ; 
That close by our side, 
Our mirth to deride, 

A skeleton lurks at the feast. 



30 



HAMLET. 



Queen — Thanks, miss : your voice is liarsh and hoarse ; 

Yon do the best you can, of course. 
1 0. L. — They say another noble lord 

His queen too plainly has adored. 
Queen — Who's that? and still another beau nigh us? 
1 0. L. — That " unseen good old man " Polonius. 
Queen — What ! that old fool ? 
Ophelia — Hush! he's my pa. 

Queen — How like your father, dear, you are ! — 

He's old and gouty, gTay and bent; \_By-play by Polonius. 

Deaf, blind, half-witted, scant of breath, — 
And then, he isn't worth a cent : 
I couldn't even chance his death. 

[Polonius moves incautiously. Old Ladies sta7't, 
scream, and stand up on their chairs. 

Air — "What Can the Matter Be." 

Chorus — Something is under the table-cloth. 
Something is under the table-cloth. 
Something is under the table-cloth, — 

Don't you suppose it is rats? 
I tell you I felt it a-moving and moving, ' 

I tell you I felt it a-moving and moving, 
I tell you I felt it a-moving and moving, — 
I'm sure it is nothing but rats ! 

Go, get a dog and a rat-catcher! 
Go, get a dog and a rat-catcher ! 
Go, get a dog and a rat-catcher! 

Hunt out the horrible rats I 
Poke 'em and punch 'em, and pound 'em and hammer 'em, 
Poke 'em and punch 'em, and pound 'em and hammer 'em, 
Poke 'em and punch 'em, and pound 'em and hammer 'em, — 

Hammer the horrible rats ! 

Queen — Aha! who dares to show dismay? 

Young men, the rash intruders face ! 
Hamlet, the rats invite a fray : 
Draw, and exterminate the race ! 

[Students poke feebly at tables. 
Hamlet — How now — a rat? Think'st thou I dread 
A rat? Dead, — for a ducat, dead! 

[Thrusts. Polonius crawls out, rubbing his shoulder. 
Polonius — Thanks to his generous wealth of padding, 
My tailor's saved my soul from gadding; 
For if the sword had entered lower, 
I now should tread the shining shore. 



HAMLET." 31 



Air — " Tkancadillo." 



•Queen — So, you are the vermin, 

Who all of us scared so? 
You have tarnished your ermine ; — 
I am sorry you are spared so. 
Chorus — Polonious, Polonius, 

Such conduct, felonious, 
Is unprecedented and unceremonious ! [Eepeat. 

■Queen — Explain whj^ you did thus 

Before all these ladies ! 
The reason j^ou hid thus, 
Disgraceful, I'm afraid, is. 
Chorus— Polonius, Polonius 

Such conduct, felonious. 
Is unprecedented and uncei'emonious ! 

Queen — Polonius ! — 

Polonms — Perpend ! 

Ophelia — Oh, oh! 

There's something underneath my toe ! 
Hamlet — Eats there? More blood upon my head ; 

Dead, — for another ducat, dead ! [ Thrusts. 

Claudius — leseaping from under table'] 

Hold up, hold up ! In my hide no dent 

Do I desii'e. I'm not a rodent. 
•Qiieen — Claudius, you rascal ! You abuse me 

Thus ambushing. Come here ! 
Claudius — Excuse me ! [Exit. 

Air — "Woman is Changeable." (Eigoletto.) 

Chorus — As if before a cat 

There goes a coward rat, — 

Eat of a sorry breed, — 

Worse than a rat, indeed ; 

Falsely and meanly sly. 

On us to play the spy. 

He has deserved, like a real rat, to die. 

Claudius, Claudius, vilest of men, 

Claudius, Claudius, away to your den ! 

Ghost — llooks oitt] 

Before they prod for me, I'll rise, 
And give them a unique surprise. 

[Ghost and Voice rise toith table on their back. 
The Queen, being behind, cannot see them 
through the rest of the scene. 
1 0. L. — Oh, catch me ! I'm going to faint. 

[Ophelia and Old Ladies /f«?ii in Students' arms. 



32 



HAMLET." 



Hamlet — 
Queen — 
Hamlet — 



The ghost again, by all that's quaint! 
Do you return your son to chide? 
How pale he glowers ! 

Are you beside 
Yourself, as usual? What do you see? 
My father's ghost! 

You can't ghost me ! 
These friends around us can discern all; 
Say, is it not the shade paternal ? 



Air 



RiG-A-JIG-JIG. 



Hamlet — I ask you all what sight you see? 

Chorus — . It is a ghost ! it is a ghost ! 

Hamlet — O skeptical queen, they all agree. 

Chorus — A ghost, a ghost, a ghost! 

He asks us all what sight we see, 

It is a ghost ! it is a ghost ! 

O skeptical queen, we all agree. 

A ghost, a ghost, a ghost ! 

Hamlet — What more do you discover there? 

Chorus — A sable ghost ! A sable ghost ! 

Hamlet — O skeptical queen, they're a ghostly pair. 

Chorus — A ghost, a ghost, a ghost ! 

What more do we discover there ? 

A sable ghost ! A sable ghost ! 
skeptical queen, they're a ghostly pair. 
A ghost, a ghost, a ghost ! 

Queen — Let me get at them ! I'll make them sick! 

Chorus — Beware, ghost! beware, O ghost! 

G-host and Voice — 

No, you don't, madam ; we move too quick ! 
Chorus — O ghost, O ghost, O ghost ! 

Let you get at them! y'ou'll make them sick! 

Beware, O ghost! beware, ghost! 
No, you don't, madam ; they move too quick ! 
O ghost, O ghost, O ghosit ! 

[During the last verse, the Ghost and Voice gradually press back the Queen, 
loho is trying to get round the table ivhich they still carry on their back, 
until, loith the last line, they push the table over on to her, against the 
wall, and, leaving her there, go one to each wing. Tableau. 

CURTAIN. 



i 



HAMLET.'' 



ACT IV. 

[Hall, as before. Poi.onius, and Stncleuts with brooms.} 
Air — "The Mouxtaixs." (Chorus only.) 

Chorals — Coufouncl it, coufouud it, to make a student dust! 

We sliudder, we slmdder with passionate disgust. 

And liang it, and liang- it, to be obliged to sweep ! 

. Tor words our rage is inucli too strong and deep ! 

We sliouldn't, we sliouldu't a brusli or broom propel ; 
We ought to, we ought to intrepidly rebel ! 
But twofold, but twofold obstructions intervene, — 
The facultj', and oh, an angry queen! 

Polonius — But now, perpend ! 
Horatio — We'll raise a I'iot! 

Polonius — Don't be obstreperous, — keep quiet! 
You wouldn't have the palace halls 
Untidy, would you? Duty calls 
Most loudly to the educated classes : 
What duty, gentlemen, surpasses 
Keeping things wholesome for the queen? 
The men who generall.y clean 
This suite of rooms are at the front. 
Bearing the battle's bloody brunt, — 
('Tis but a foolish fancy, still, my own!) 
Denmark expects each sophomore 
To do his duty — and sweep the floor ! 
Horatio — Denmark expects too much. No more 
\_Enter Ophelia.] 
Will we do menial service here ! 
The queen we honor and revei'e, 
But hanged if we will sweep her floor ! 
Polonius — Ophelia, assist me ! These young chaps 
Kefuse to sweep; what can I do? 
They will not budge for me. Perhaps 
If you ask, they will sweep for you. 



34 



hamlet: 



Ophelia ■ 
Chorus - 
Ophelia - 
Chorus - 
Ophelia ■ 
Chorus - 
Ophelia ■ 
Chorus - 
Ophelia - 
Chorus - 
Ophelia ■ 
Chorus - 



Ophelia ■ 



Hamlet - 



Ophelia - 

Hamlet - 
Horatio 



Air — " Hot Corn . ' ' 

Oh, please do sweep ! 

Don't ask! 
Oh, please do sweep ! 

Don't ask! 
Unless you sweep, I'll have to weep. 
'Tis far too mean a task ! 
But I Implore ! 

We might ! 
Oh, I implore ! 

We might ! 
Yes, I implore once more, once more ! 

We'll do it with delight. IThey sioeep and sing. 

We can't resist her beauty's bloom ; 

It dissipates our grumbling gloom. [boys ! 

So ply the gallant broom, boys ; the" broom, boys ; the broom. 

The unscholastic task assume ; 

For sweet Ophelia sweep the room. 
And ply the gallant broom, boys ; the broom, boys ; the broom ! 

Oh, thanks ! a thousand fervent thanks ! 
My grateful tears o'erflow their tanks. 

How can I make due recompense ? 
Grant all your general thanks to me ! 

You long have known my love intense ; 
Now answer to my passionate plea. 
I can't. My pa and friends assert 

You're nothing but a masculine flirt. [Going. 

But stay and hear me plead my suit ! 
Go on and speak, we'll not be mute. 



Air 



KiNLOCH. 



Hamlet - 
Ophelia - 

Duet — 



I love thee, my darling, my darling, my darling ; 

I love thee, my darling, wilt thou be mine ? 
I cannot, dear Hamlet, dear Hamlet, dear Hamlet ; 

I cannot, dear Hamlet, be thine, be thine ! 



Alas ! how sad, how wof uUy sad. 

To see an honest, affectionate lad • 

In love with a lass who must send him away. 

And answer her lover a sorrowful nay. 

[Hamlet retin 
Horatio — Ophelia, all of Hamlet's friends 
Admire you full as much as he. 
With his warm love our homage blends ; 

We urge his suit in sympathy. 
Boys, let us plead his cause in chorus ! 
We ought to carry all before us. 



■HAMLET." 



35. 



Air 



' Pretty Jemima.' 



Horatio — Gentle Ophelia, don't say no, 

Do not say no, to Hamlet's suit! 
Pity his love, and behold his woe, 

So eloqviently mute ! 
We ask upon our bended knees ; 

We lift our imploring eyes ; 
Our copious tears remark, if you please. 

And hark to our frightful sighs ! — 

Choriis— Oh-h-h! 

Gentle Ophelia, don't say no, 

Do not say no, to Hamlet's suit ! 
Pity his love, and behold his woe. 

So eloquently mute ! 

Ophelia — I love him, gentle sirs. Alas! 

My heart is sore with hidden pain. 
Horatio — Then why refuse ? 
Polonius — He is an ass ! 

Pert, shallow, idle, spendthrift, vain ! 

She shall not marry ! 
Ophelia — This sharp ache ! 

My overburdened brain will break ! 
Polonius — Come ! We have here too long delayed ! 
Ophelia — Farewell ! 

Hamlet — Farewell, obdurate maid ! 

Horatio — Well, Hamlet can't find fault with us : 

Our aid has been most generous. 

She's set, — her father's even setter ; 

And on the whole, perhaps 'tis better. 

If she said yes, — she'd undergo 

The tortures of the lost. 
1 Stu. — Why SO'? 



IKneeling. 



'IBise and dance. 



[Bepeat four lines. 



[They go. E. 
[Goes. L. 



Air- 



In the Good Old Colony Times. 



Horatio — If she should marry him. 

Just think of the trouble and jaw ; 
The rancorous strife of her married life. 
With such a mother-in-law ! 
Chorus — With such a mother-in-law, with such a mother-in-law ! 
The rancorous strife of her married life. 
With such a mother-in-law ! 

Horatio — They would have to live with her, — 
Be always under her claw ; 
They'd better be dead, than live thus wed 
To a savage old mother-in-law ! 



36 



■HAMLET. 



[Thetj sweep. 



Chorus — To a savage old motlier-in-law ! — to a savage old motlier-in- 
They'd better be dead, than live thus wed [law! — 

To a savage old mother-in-law ! 

Horatio — Her every look and word, 

Like a serpent's tooth would gnaw; 
She would rage and scold till she killed them cold, — 
A savage old mother-in-law ! 
Chorus — A savage old mother-in-law ! — a savage old mother-in-law ! — 
She would rage and scold till she killed them cold, — 
A savage old mother-in-law ! 

Horatio — By Jove ! here she comes now. 

[Enter Queen and Polonius.] 

Queen — Aha ! 

What's that about a mother-in-law? 

Who? How? What do you mean by singing? 

Sweep, or I'll set your ears a-ringing! 
Polonius — [aside'] 

Now is my chance ; faint heart ne'er won 

A queen of Denmark. I'll approach her. 

Of courting this shall be my broacher. 

A man like me why should she shun ? 

Sweet Gertrude ! 
Queen — Did you speak to me ? 

Polonius — I kneel. 

Queen — Get up, you old rheumatic ! 

Poloniris — I love you ! 
Queen — Sir, in terms emphatic 

I tell you, get up instantly. 
Polonius — Hear ! 

Queen — I am getting autocratic. 

Horatio — [to Students] 

I suppose a proper esprit de corps 
Requires us to assist a prof., 

Even if he is a blamed old bore. 
Let's give his suit a good send-off. 



i 



[Kneels. 



Air — '^ Ding, Dong, Skip it Along." 

Horatio — Hold on, radiant queen ! 

Give the old fellow a show. 
Don't be abrupt, or treat him with spleen, 
Even in answering no. 

Chorus — [Bejyeat the verse.] 



HAMLET. 



37 



Horatio — Think how beauty and grace 

Carry us fellows away ; 
If he's in love with your beautiful face, 
Do let the man have his say ! 

Chorus — [Bepeat the verse. ^ 

Queen — I won't! You go ahead and sweep ! 

Now you, sir, — crawl ! I mean it, — creej)! 
A man who kneels when he should stand, 
Must walk, perforce, with knee and hand. 

[POLONiXTS, foho has not risen from Ms knees, is 
compelled to crawl oiit before the Queen, 
who folloios him. 
Horatio — The old vixen! Hallo! who's here? 
Hamlet, but very wild and queer. 

[Enter Hamlet, dishevelled.'] 

Old chap, what's up? 
Hamlet — Nothing. 

Horatio — But why 

This pallid face, this wandering eye. 

This strange expression? Tell me, does 

An illness trouble you ? 
Hamlet — Buzz — buzz! 

Horatio — Mad as a March hare ! See him stare 

At something yonder in the air ! 

How to himself he strangely mutters ! 

We'll humor him in all he utters. 



Hamlet - 
Chorus - 



Hamlet - 
Chorus - 



Air — "Pop goes the Weasel." 

Is that a singular chandelier. 

Or is it my vagary? 
Doesn't it like a camel appear? 

Quite a dromedary ! 
All the points we clearly track ; 

Indeed, It's even hairy; 
And see, two humps upon its back, — 

Quite a dromedary ! 

Oh, no! you're wrong; 'tis plain as a pike: 

No man alive can me sell : 
A weasel it is far more like. 

Just like a weasel ! 
As sure as if we saw it alive 

Or painted on an easel. 
To catch a mouse behold it strive 

Just like a weasel! 



38 



'HAMLET.- 



Hamlet — A pack of fools you all must be ; 

Your senses sadly fail ; 
'Tis nothing at all but a whale at sea! 
Chorus — Very like a whale ! 

Why yes, we plainly make him out ! 

How he waggles his tail ! 
Jupiter ! what a magnificent spout ! 
Very like a whale ! 

Hamlet — Afraid of me, that's evident! 

They fool me to the top of my bent. 
Horatio — See yonder, how Ophelia stalks ! 

Her hair, dishevelled, full of flowers. 
Uncanny gibberish she talks, 
And straight before her wildly glowers. 



lEtiter Ophelia.] 



Air ■ 



Hey Down Derry. 



Ophelia — A sprig of foolish sage, 

A buttercup of rue ; 
The pansy's pain assuage 

With fennel's heavenly hue : 
The pansy's pain assuage 
With fennel's heavenly hue. 
Chorus — Her words erratic are enigmatic, 

We look for a meaning in vain ; 
A sort of panic of terms botanic, — 

She must be a trifle insane. 
That's it! that is the matter! 
She's mad, she's mad as a hatter! 
That's it! that is the matter! 
She's mad, she's mad as a hatter! 
She's mad, she's mad as a hatter! 
She's mad, she's mad as a hatter! 

Ophelia — A lily-blue rose for him, 

A violet green for me ; 
Dim daisies darkly swim 

In dandelion tea : 
Dim daisies darkly swim 

In dandelion tea ! 

Chorus — lAs before.^ 

[Hamlet and Ophelia meet. He takes her hand and goes through dumb 
show, as in Act II., Scene 1, original play.'} 

Horatio — Well, this is slightly singular. 

But friendship cannot go too far ; 
And if our friends are both insane. 
Our duty is extremely plain ; 



''HAMLET." 

Nay, more, 'tis pressing and despotic 
We, too, must go starli idiotic! 
Assume your individual crazes. 
Abandon sense and act lilce blazes. 



39 



[Mad scene. 



Air ■ 



Black Brigade." 



Horatio — Insanity is catching, — 

Chorus — We're all a-goihg crazy! 

Horatio — Insanity is catching — 

Chorus — We're mad, we're mad ! 

Horatio — Insanity is catching, — we're all a-going crazy. 
Chorus — We're mad, we're mad, we're violently mad! 
A wild and reckless crew. 
Our steps are growing mazy ; 
We're mad, we're mad! 
All sorts of wild hallucinations whirling through and through 
Our brains, already dazy : 

We're mad, we're mad, we're violently mad ! 

[Enter Queen and Polonius.] 

Queen — Aha ! What' s this ? 

Hamlet — I'm mad! 

Ophelia — I'm mad ! 

Horatio — We're all mad ! 

Qtieen — Hey, you are? That's bad. 

But I know something worse — for you! 

You want to know just what I mean? 
I'll tell you : I am mad. You bet it 

Is not quite safe to rile a queen. 
I'm mad, aha ! don't you forget it ! — 

I'm mad all through and through and through. 

Hamlet, come here. Do you confess 

You're sane as I am ? 
Hamlet— You? Oh, yes! 

Queen — Ophelia, bustle up your hair ! — 

You think you're mad? 
Ophelia — Well, no ! not now. 

Queen — That's nice. Horatio, when and where 

Did all you scampish students dare 

Go mad? " 

Horatio — Don't ask me. I am sure 

We're not mad now. 



40 



HAMLET. 



Queen — A sudden cure ! 

Now that you've found your wits, stay sane 

I vow, and vow it full and free, 
If ever you go mad again 
I'll macerate your vertebrfe ! 



Air - 



Rambling Rake of Poverty.' 



Queen — Whenever a man or woman 

Is born with any sense, 
To act the mule or play the fool 

Is wickedness intense. 
Whenever a man or woman 

Behaves so utterly green, 
'Tis a very good thing to be under the wing 

Of a thoroughly absolute queen. 
Chonis — A thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly, 

Thoroughly absolute queen : 
A thorougiily, thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughl.y, 

Thoroughly absolute queen. 
Whenever a man or woman 

Behaves so utterly green, 
'Tis a very good thing to be under the wing 

Of a thoroughly absolute queen. 

Queen — Don't ever again go crazj^ 

While I am upon the throne. 
Or I'll surely strive to flay you alive 

And boil you to the bone. 
If you ever again go crazy, — 

I say just what I mean, — 
You Avil'l rue the day that you felt the sway 

Of a thoroughly absolute queen. 
Chorus — A thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly, 

Thoroughly absolute queen : 
A thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly, 

Thoroughly absolute queen. 
If we ever again go crazy, — 

You say just what you mean, — 
We will rue the day that we felt the swaj^ 

Of a thoroughly absolute queen. 



CURTAIN. 



■HAMLET." 41 



ACT V. 

[Same hall. Wardrobe at- rem: Polonius cmcZ Students. Students p to?/ 
"The Campbells are Coming" on combs, Polonius beating time.'] 

Polonius — Good, good! that's musical and mellow. 
Suppose we try " St. Patrick's Day." 
More vigor, you young men who play 
The French comb, and the combicello. 

\_Tliey play "St. Patrick's Day." 
Polonius — The whole effect is quite melodious, 

And ought our gracious Queen to please. 
Duty like this is not so odious 
As cleaning floors or tending teas. 
Horatio — Well, no ! we're not unduly grand ; 

"We don't object to playing band. 
Polonius — Wait here to greet the royal party 
With welcome musically hearty. 

\_Enter Hamlet.] 

Hamlet — \_Gomes slowly fonmrd'] To be, or not to be — 
Horatio — [comes forward] Still dejected? 

Hamlet — Yes. 

Horatio — Well, it's not at all surprising 

The ghost your mood has so affected. 
What now, lad? 
Hamlet — I'm soliloquizing. 

Horatio — You are indeed! — Shall it be said 

Your friends, in time of need, have flown? 
Forbid it, friendship's mighty dead! 

You shan't soliloquize alone ! — 
Boys, let your cheerful voices rise ; 
We'll help him to soliloquize ! 



42 ^'HAMLET." 

Bound.. Air — "Three Blind Mice." 

Chorus — To be, or not to be, 

To be, or not to be. 

To be, or not to be. 

That is the question. 

That is the question, 

That is the question. 
Whether 'tis best to suffer the slings 
Of love and law and similar things. 
Or end them all with a bodkin's stings. 

Horatio — There ! — that's what I call pretty neat. 

It ought to get us all a pension. — 

Hey, Hamlet? 
Hamlet — Sirs, 'twas kind and sweet. 

But looked too much like intervention. 
Horatio — We'll stand by you, my dear old fellow, 

Till we are in the " sere and yellow." 

Our help you've always surely got, 

Whether you fancy it or not. 
Polonius — Here comes the queen. Fall in, musicians ! 

Assume appropriate positions ! 

[Students play " Hail to the Chief .'" on their combs. Enter Queen, Ophe- 
lia, and Claudius.] 

Queen — Ha! Stop that noise ! IMusic stops .'] Polonius, explain! 
Polonius — If there's no music, you complain: 

If I a band instruct and train 

To furnish music, I displease ! 
Quee7i — That, vansic? More like bumblebees ! 

Don't let me hear it, sir, again. 

It's buzzy, wiry, thin, and hateful. 
Polonius — Like a republic, — always ungrateful ! 
Claudius — Hamlet, you promised, I believe. 

Some entertainment, to relieve 

The tedium of our evening? 
Hamlet — Yes. 

Claudius — Theatricals, if I might guess? 
Hamlet — No, sir, — a. seance. I propose 

Some spiritualistic shows. 



'HAMLET.'' 



43 



Queen — That's right, you're usually too slow ; 
I'm glad to see some kind of go. 
Or, let me make my praises properer. 
And put them into regular opera. 



Air 



Good-bye, Sweetheart. 



\_Sings'] I hear thy novel plan with joy. 
Good boy, Hamlet, good boy ! 

\_8pea'ks'] Claudius, sit down ! Hamlet, unfold 
The kind of show you mean to hold. 
Horatio — Go on, Hamlet ; don't be afraid. 

We'll help you if you get dismayed. 



Hamlet — 


I, my friends, have- 


Chorus — 


Come, come, come, 


Hamlet— 


To make you all less — 


Chorus — 


Glum, glum, glum ; 


Hamlet — 


And if you'll just sit— 


Chonis — 


Mum, mum, mum. 


Hamlet — 


I may relieve your tedium. 




Now, if observant eyes you set 




On yonder simple cabinet. 




See- 


Chorus — 


See, 


Hamlet — 


See, 


Chorus — 


See, 


Hamlet — 


See, 


Chorus — 


See, 


Hamlet — 


See 




What behind the door may be. 


Hamlet — 


Perhaps a bell may- 


Chorus — 


Ring, ring, ring ; 


Hamlet — 


Or a voice may — 


Chorus — 


Sing, sing, sing; 


Hamlet — 


Mystic hands may — 


Choms — 


Fling, fling, fling 


Hamlet — 


Through the air some startling thing. 




If a spectral light appear, 




Dear departed friends are near. 




Lo! — 


Chorus — 


Lo! 


Hamlet — 


Lo! 


Chorus — 


Lo! 


Hamlet — 


Lo! 


Chorus — 


Lo! 


Hamlet — 


Lo! 




Ghostly forms the light may show. 


Hamlet — 


Turn dovrai the light ! 


Ophelia — 


Oh, don't ! I'm frightene 



44 ^^HAiMLET." 

Queen — I don't know how snch nonsense might end. 
Claudius — I feel as if upon a rack. 
Polonius — Cold shivers creep all down my back. 
Hamlet — Tarn down the lights ; join hands; no word, 

No cough, no whisper must be heard. \_Noises in cabinet. 

Air — Conspirators' Chorus. (Madame Angot.) 

Chorus — Just remark how that cabinet is creaking at the cracks. 
And how its interior reverberates with Avhacks : 
There is some sort of body in its narrow cell immersed, 
And if he isn't let out, it will burst. 

Qhost and Voice — [icitlmi] Ha ! 

Chorus — Listen ! 

Ghost and Voice — Ho ! 

Chorus — , Listen ! 

Ghost and Voice — 

Let me out of here ! 

I— 
Chorus — Hear it ! 

Ghost and Voice — Say ! 

Chorus — • Hear it ! 

Ghost and Voice — 

I feel very queer ; 
And my arms and legs so ache 
That I'm bound to make a break ; 

And I warn you chaps outside, the coast to clear. 

Chorus — And his arms and legs so ache 

That he's bound to make a break; 
And he warns us chaps outside, the coast to clear ; 
Warns us chaps outside, the coast to clear, 
Warns us chaps outside, the coast to clear. 

[ Cracks heard in the cabinet. 
Hamlet — Hark ! 
Claudius — Stop it! 

Ophelia — Oh! 

Polonius — Ah ! . 

Queen — Go ahead ! 

Hamlet — Hark to a message from the dead ! 

{^Noise in wardrobe grows more violent ; the door is burst open; vnth a sudden 
glare of light, the Ghost and Voice appear. "] 

Air — ' ' The Mocking-Bird . ' ' 

Ghost and Voice — 

Behold the Ghost of Hamlet ! 
Chorus — Of Hamlet, of Hamlet ! 

Ghost and Voice — 

Behold the Ghost of Hamlet ! 
Come back on earth his vengeance dire to deal ! 



HAMLET." 



45 



Chorus — Whistle up courage, boys! 

[loith %oMstlvuj~\ Whistle up courage, boys ! 

Before ouv lips with terror shall congeal ! 
Whistle up courage, boys! 
Whistle up courage, boys! 
To hide the consternation that we feel ! 



Hamlet's muixlerer? 

His murderer ! his murderer ! 



Ghost and Voice — 

Where is KiU; 
Chorus — 
Ghost and Voice — 

Where is King Hamlet's murderer? 
Those trembling knees his guiltiness reveal 



Chorus — 



Whistle up courage, boys ! 

Whistle up courage, boys ! 
Before our lips with terror shall congeal ! 

Whistle up courage, boys ! 

Whistle up courage, boys ! 
To hide the consternation that we feel ! 



Claudius — Mercy ! 

Ghost — Confess your fratricide ! 

You drowned me in the whirling tide ! 
Claudius — I did ! I did ! 
Ghost — \_advancing~\ Then meet your fate ! 

Down, down to H — alifax ! 
Queen — Just wait! 

[to Ghost] Hamlet ! 
Ghost— Hey? 

Queen — JLre you dead? 

Ghost — I am! 

Queen — You ain't! You always were a sham ! 

It's just like you to have a chance 
Of quietly, permanently dying, — 

And then refuse what fortune grants. 
And back to us and life come flying ! 

This, then, explains the masquerade 

Our fi'iends at supper so dismayed. 
Horatio — Then you are not a ghost, I take it ? 
Ghost — She says not. 

Horatio — Good for you! — There, shake it! [Shakes hands . 

Queen — Well, you've come back, — so, for the rest of it, 

All we can do is make the best of it. 
Ghost — As warm a welcome as I looked for ! — 

I knew full well what I was booked for. 



46 "HAMLET." 

But you, my son, you will agree to 

Welcome your pa? 
Hamlet — I will. 

Horatio — , And we too. 

Air — "Pull for the Shore." 

Chorus — Hail to the owner of Denmark's throne, — 
Come, in a summer suit, to claim his own. 
If he be still a ghost, or his true self of yore. 
Give our king three hearty cheers, and one cheer more ! 

lEepeat the chorus, and then three hearty cheers . 

Ghost ^^ Well, darling, what are we to do 

With brother Claudius ? 
Horatio — Put him through ! 

Queen — The villain ! — We cannot too far go : 

We banish Claudius to Chicago ! 
Claudius — O gracious sovereign, I implore ! — 
All other punishments I dare : 

The thumb-screw's pain, — the axe's gore — 
Don't send me there ! — not there ! — not there ! 
Ghost — That punishment's too awiuUy awful ! 
Queen — Vengeance must have its mighty maw full ! 

But, no, — I have it ! I presume. 

As you [to Ghost] have come so near your doom, 

I'll have to treat you somewhat better. 

My temper I don't wish to fetter ; — 

So, sir, [to Claudius] I'll keep you here to scold at! 
Claudius — A fate I shudder and grow cold at. — 

Better Chicago ! 
Polonius — May it please 

Your most imperial majesties, 
■ Shall I remain your chamberlain. 

Or go to Wittenburgh again? 
Queen — Stay here, — we want a royal bore ! 

Hamlet, Ophelia, — take the floor ! 

You're formally engaged. Let kisses 

Express how gi'eat your mutual bliss is ! 

Air — " KiNLOCH." 

Hamlet — I love thee, my darling ! my darling ! my darling ! 
I love thee, my darling! wilt thou be mine? 



'HAMLET. 



47 



Ophelia — I jdeld to tliee, Hamlet, — clear Hamlet ! clear Hamlet ! 
I yield to thee, Hamlet, ami will be thine. 

Duet — And oh ! how glad ! how joyfully glad ! 

To see an honest, affectionate lad. 
In love with a lass who the love can repay. 
And answer her lover a faltering yea ! 



^leen - 



Ghost - 



Voice — 



Ghost — 
Voice — 



Well, lads, you've served your queen so nicely, 

That, when our gallant troops come back. 

We'll graduate you, — all in a pack, — 
A.B.,A.M.,D.D.,— 

Precisely. 
Whatever life you may essay, — 

Whatever your desires or wishes, — 
Denmark will ne'er forget the clay 

You swept her floor and washed her dishes ! 
And now, we'll — 

Hould ! Don't go too free ! — 
What do ye intind to do for me ? 

For you? Why, pay you your per cliem. [Gives money . 

That's not the kind of hair-pin I am ! 



Air- 



Year of Jubilo." 



Chorus - 



Voice ■ 



Chorus - 



I've a soul above my avocation, 

I scorn my meagre pay ; 
The which, observe, in corroboration, 

I thus fling far away. 
Pray do not cTeem me avaricious. 

Or meet me with rebuke ; 
I frankly avow myself ambitious, — 

I want to be a duke ! 

We will not think it strange. 

Or meet him with rebuke ; 
He frankly avows himself ambitious, 

And wants to be a duke ! [Bepeat. 

I've served my king in extremo mortis, 

And sung him back to life ; 
You must all concede that my epiglottis 

Restored him to his wife. 
Then do not deem me avaricious, 

Or meet me with rebuke ; 
I frankly avow myself ambitious, — 

I want to be a duke ! 

We will not think it strange, 

Or meet him with rebuke ; 
He frankty avows himself ambitious, 

And wants to be a duke ! [Bepeat. 



48 



■HAMLET. 



Hamlet — This seems a laudable ambition. 
Ghost — Haven't we some custom-house position? 
Queen — We have^ degraded Claudius; 
His salary, in future, draw! 
Hamlet, your sword ! Kneel, sir : \_to Voice] We thus 

Create you royal brother-in-law ! 
Aud now, my faithful students, roar us 
A cheerful culminatina; chorus ! 



Air 



II Bacio." 



Chorus — The queen gets her king back 

From the ghostly, mysterious shades of the dead; 
While Hamlet and Ophelia 

Won't die, but will happily wed : 
For we jolly students so helped them along. 
With counsel and song, they couldn't go wrong ; and 

We've turned the whole play 

From a tragic affray to a comedy gay. 
And the queen gets her king back 

From the ghostly, mysterious shades of the dead ; 
While Hamlet and Ophelia 

Won't die, but ^ill happily wed. 
For we jolly students so helped them along, [ With dance. 

With counsel and song, they couldn't go wrong ; and 

We've turned the whole play 

From a tragic affray to a comedy gay. 
And the queen gets her king back 

From the ghostly, mysterious shades of the dead ; 
While Hamlet and Ophelia 

Won't die, but will happily wed. 



CUKTAIN. 



